one of these days

Few weeks ago I was asked to write an artist statement for my drama classes. I struggled. I was lost, without a clue where to start hence my first words were 'I have never considered myself an artist'. That's entirely true. I have never considered myself one as I haven't achieved anything yet and I'm not as good enough to call myself one. At the very moment I am completely lost. I have no idea how I am going to achieve what I want to achieve. I'm angry at the fact that I've still more than six months left until I graduate. I feel as if I was trapped in a world that I no longer belong to. French lectures are annoying me and I see no point in attending translation classes even though they're with the nicest tutor I have ever had. I was interested in translation at some point of my life but then I realised that I'm not really good at it, so I gave up. I do that often though, I give up when it starts getting serious, when I have to put in an extra effort and start to care. You know why? ... because when it's finally over I feel lost and helpless, like an abandoned animal. I don't know what to do with myself and then I start to think, and think, and think. I tell myself that I'm not good enough and I have never been and that I will probably end up having a shitty job that I will hate (or worse - stay in McDonald's forever). And most of all that my parents will be right... They have never believed in me when it came to drama, no one did. It was always considered a whim. I was supposed to get over it at some point. Well I didn't, did I?

There's a million ideas per second going on in my head right now. I'm a poor student though. I need to find a hidden treasure in my backyard or something to accomplish them all.

I need a cigarette. Wait I quit... Putain!