Thursday 13 December 2012

Poem - to A

Written during holiday '12. Inspired by a friend.


So much to loose
So much to gain
So much to regret
If only we weren’t scared of making this happen
Who knows?
Perhaps, there was a chance,
The slightest possible, but still a chance…
Who knows what could have happened?
Is it destiny?
Or just a coincidence,
That our hearts like the halves of an apple
Met each other and couldn’t separate anymore…
Some people call it destiny.
Others say there’s no such thing.
But what’s the truth?
Will we ever get to know it?
Our truth?
Only God knows…
But which?



Saturday 1 December 2012

Oldies.

Something old. One was written over a month ago and the other I can't even remember.
(I keep writing on little pieces of paper, then forgetting about it and eventually finding it about a month later)


Tuesday, 30th October. Train journey from Zbaszyn to Poznan.

Since the last time I wrote something here, many things have happened. My birthday, of which I was so afraid, went pretty well. I spent it surrounded by my 'new' friends, a little bit "bourre" (but not too much, like it always happens :P), dancing like I was going to die the next day. 

Then there were other birthdays, a trip to Dole, some parties, etc. Everything perfectly fine, except from the university. It's so boring, terribly boring... I can't imagine studying full-time in France. I'd be bored to death. In theory, there is a distinction between lectures and seminars but in practice you can't really distinguish it. You just note. All the time. Oh and listen to your lecturer's/seminar tutor's opinions and interpretations.. Apparently French students are not able to create their own... I feel like I was back in high school. Oh wait. Even in high school I was able to express my opinions and assumptions. I truly miss Aber, even though I was mostly a rather passive listener. Yet it was good to at least listen to what others had to say, and participate if it got interesting. 

What's more, I eat too many baguettes... hahah. I always discover that I've put on weight when I'm in Poland. It's so freaking cold here. Besancon is similar to Aber, with this constantly changing weather. And Poland? It's a minus temperature outside. Brrr... At least I can visit my friends and finally spend some time with them :)

Haha I've almost forgotten to mention that our flat looks like a tornado had passed through it. My parents decided to renovate kitchen and two bedrooms at the same time.. A-mazing! Of course it's going to look incredible after it's finished but still, the whole process of using our living room (my bedroom when I'm at home) as a bedroom, living room and kitchen is just overwhelming. And of course it must have happened when I was back. 

So I decided to run away from this mess for a little while and I'm heading to Poznan to see my friend. We've already gone out on Saturday night, but an old good sleepover is never a bad idea. Especially with her :)

I'm still looking for my Jean Pierre but I kind of lost some of my hopes. France does not look the way I've imagined it. And the 'seeking for attention' side of me is going crazy atm... How sad is that lol.
"Mon prince! Ou es-tu?"
  "Depeche-toi!"



Date unknown, written on an English theatre class.

I am sitting on an English theatre lecture (or maybe it's a seminar?), trying to understand at least something. The 'prof'' is speaking so fast and with such a strong accent, so I've already given up.  I'm surrounded by about 30-40 French student who are surprisingly pretty quiet today. Usually they behave like a bunch of animals that were just let out of a cage. No respect for the tutor. No respect for the others who are actually trying to listen. 

I've given French a go. I've been patient. I've known it's going to take a while for me to adjust. After all I've been learning it just a little over two years. Not long at all. But why is it taking me so much time? Why can't I be some kind of a language freak? Even my English is letting me down now. I've no idea what's happening...

Sometimes I feel like coming to France was a very bad idea... I wasn't ready and I can see it clearly now. I've been waiting for some sort of miracle, which hasn't come yet. I remember the words of Francine, our 1st year French tutor, 'without doing anything, you can wait for the miracle forever, but it will never happen'. Maybe that's a clue for me?




Wednesday 14 November 2012

merci, ca va bien...

I must confess. I haven't been here for a long time... I've been trying to write something, but there were always better things to do.

Now there's time for some of my writings. Don't worry, I'll describe my Erasmus life soon ;) 
Although there's not much going on to be honest. 

 Written for Devising Theatre class. 



In winter the pool was frozen over for weeks. I was staring at it through my bedroom’s window, hoping the ice would break. I couldn’t stop staring… it was the only thing I was sure that will happen. Sooner or later, it didn’t matter. What mattered was the fact that it had to. There was no other way. It has been the most certain thing in my life so far…  
They said I was the lucky one. Was I? Perhaps they were saying about my physical condition, few scratches, bruises and a broken leg. Scratches and bruises will disappear within a week; broken leg will take some more time to heal, but still not that long. Physically I should be fine. However, no one said anything about my mental health. I’m pretty sure they think I will be alright as soon as I get back home. But is there anything I want to go back to? Is there anyone except from my cat…? No one said anything about that night, about the accident. They left me alone. Not only the doctors, everyone. I’m completely alone now, with perfectly flat stomach and no one beside me. 


Wednesday 26 September 2012

Le temps agréable

I'm smoking my last cigarette and throwing away the tobacco bag with 'Fumer tue' on it. One has to die from something, right? At least the view from my window is quite stunning. The city of lights. They're all like matches someone has just lit, one blow and they're gone. Like human lives. One crappy moment in your life and you're gone, forever. But where? What could we expect after death? Heaven and hell? Or is there an after-life waiting for us? I guess I've been watching too much Supernatural lately. I must admit, I got addicted and it made me thinking. What if demons are actually somewhere out there? Should I spill some salt outside my window for protection? It wouldn't work in that crappy weather, I'm pretty sure of that.
What an irony! I wanted to escape from the constant rain that was annoying me so much in Wales, and here I am. It's been raining for 3 days now and I only have one pair of waterproof shoes. My wellies are in Aber. 'Why should I have thought of taking them with me? It's not going to be raining in Besancon'. Hell no! It's not so close to the seaside, is it? I was dumb enough to believe in that. Guess I'm gonna have to find a way around it.
My French life is going pretty good at the moment. Except from the fact that I'm still not sure of my timetable, it's been fine so far. Erasmus and non-Erasmus parties, meeting new people, improving my French and trying not to make a stupid English accent in front of the anglophones. Yesterday I went to the first performance. It was quite good. Not the best I've seen, but it was funny in a very intelligent way. It presented most of the German and Arabic stereotypes as it was a piece about a mixed couple. The use of three languages - French, German and Arabic- was also a big advantage. The piece was called Habibi, Mein Schatz which means 'honey' or 'my dear'. I must admit that I was impressed by the actress who, despite not being German, made a really good job with the accent and the amount of text that she had to learn by heart in German. I'm thinking about joining some sort of society or 'troupe'. There's a nice opportunity tomorrow, I can try getting part in the original version of Hamlet. I'm going to try, there's nothing to loose :)
And my birthday is coming in few days :) 21st, finally. I'm a little bit sad about the fact that I'm not going to spend it with my friends, the real ones. Shame, I know, but at least I've met some amazing people here :) It will be freaking amazing. It must be!

Btw. the only thing I miss about maccies is the food. I'm dying for a burger :(


Friday 14 September 2012

Who are you?

I was planning on writing about something so banal and silly and then *boom*, surfing through the Internet I found a short video on youtube. The video presented people from the age of 1 up to the age of 100 and was meant to show how body changes in our lifetime. Then I read the comments and by accident found a video which supposedly was an inspiration for the first one. It was called 'Talking Heads' and was realized by a very well-known Polish director, Krzystof Kieślowski. The short documentary also presented people from the age of 0 up to the age of 100, but it had a slightly different agenda, and was directed in 1979 when Poland was still a communist country. Kieślowski asked three questions: Who are you? What are your dreams? What's the important thing for you? Three seemingly banal questions, and yet so hard to answer. The thing that astonished me the most were the answers and the way in which people talked. They used such a distinguished language, no swearing which is so common in modern times, no slang, their answers were so eloquent. Even the children had richer vocabulary than today's 20-30 years old people.

So what has changed? In comparison with people who lived in the times of communism, we have more freedom now, and yet it seems like we are more enslaved by the democracy, media and the schemes of answering, living and what's most important thinking. We cannot think freely, even though there's no war, no one is trying to force us to relinquish our culture, nation. We don't have to face the difficulties that our ancestors had to face, and yet we're still enslaved by the schemes of thinking, the stereotypes and prejudices. Being asked Kieślowski's questions, most of us would appear so selfish and egoistic in their answers. Today we want money, expensive cars, clothes, good health and love. Ahh and nice holidays. We don't care about most the things that are happening in the world, as soon as they don't concern us or our families.
Sometimes it's just us we're concern most about.

Why did we become so self-concerned nowadays? Why it is so hard for us to open our eyes to other things than just ourselves? It's not painful and doesn't cost anything...

So returning to the three questions, I decided that I am going to answer them myself.

Who are you?

I'm a person like everyone else. Maybe a bit too egoistic sometimes, but there are some matters when you have to be egoistic. I'm a type of person who seeks attention and needs to be around people almost all the time. Friends are really important to me, although I don't devote them us much time as I wish I did. I get attached to things and people too easily. In the concern of people it very often ends up bad for me, but one always learns from its mistakes.

What are your dreams?

I have too many dreams. Most of them are never going to come true but  if no one asks me to pay for them, I will still be dreaming. I would love to see people living peacefully with each other and most important to be tolerant. It's always better to get to know a person first, its notions, beliefs and then judge them. I'm not saying I'm totally free of judgments and prejudices about people, it happens to everyone, but the world would be a nicer place to live if we could at least try.

What's the most important thing for you?

At the moment, to graduate from university with highest grades possible and find a job in which I would feel appreciated and fulfilled.
In general, being able to live in a world without limits. Being free and always ready for new possibilities.
Fully living my life.



Here you go, links for the videos:

Krzysztof Kieślowski 'Talking Heads'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRVncgtT6GE&feature=related

'100'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDEST6UGNv4&feature=player_embedded#!

Enjoy!

Tuesday 11 September 2012

C'est la vie (?)

Today is the day when it rained for the first time since I arrived in this lovely city. Before, I was being woken up by the sun every day. How amazing is that? It's raining now too, but it's nice and refreshing and not cold at all, like in Wales but without the annoying wind...

I'm getting so annoyed with the university. I miss Aber. In the UK everything is much better organised, you fill up one or two forms, register through the Internet, go to one or two meetings from your department and that's all. Here it's a nightmare... Everywhere you have to fill up a form, sign million thousand documents and bring one or two photos with you, so they can identify you. And they loose everything (like my dossier). At the moment I've got enough of everything. I've got no idea what am I studying because I've lost my Learning Agreement. Before arriving here I thought it would be easy. I've chosen my modules, of course I wanted to try everything from Theatre, Art, Archaeology, German, History to French. And now it occurs that there could be lots of problems because the schedule is made for all students, not individually. Merde. Hopefully my personal tutor will help me with all that, but it needs to be done extremely quickly as I'm starting  next Monday, ooh la la...

I miss the simple life in Britain where everyone tells you what to do hundred times and you don't have to worry about anything. That's true, I miss being treated like a complete idiot. At least it's easier that way..

I don't want to complain all the time. I'm not that sort of person, but sometimes things like that just grow inside you and desperately need to come out. That's just how it works :)

Today I found Latte Macchiatto in a small restaurant near the Museum of Fine Arts (in France they only serve small espresso in cafes or you have to ask for a bigger one, but it's never a proper big one). After having an enormous headache it was the best thing that happened to me today :) There was an amazing offer with a brownie for just 2,50 euro. I couldn't say no, could I? ;) The way the waiter pronounced 'brownie' was so amusing that me and Marina couldn't stop laughing. I love the way French people pronounce English words. Always with the 'r' and you never know what they have actually said to you ;) When I was travelling to Besancon from Lille, the announcements in the train were bilingual. At least they thought they were. For the French it doesn't matter if you understand them in English, they just do what they have to do. When they don't know how to pronounce a word, they merge it with the others so you have no idea what they have actually said. But hey, they spoke English right? Job done :)

The funny thing is that I didn't want to stick with either Polish or English students and here I am, making friends with Germans and living at the same floor with about seven Americans. They're cool, I have to admit. Especially Marina :) She's German but in comparison with other Germans - who are 'sehr punktlich', have to have everything planned and get extremely annoyed when something doesn't work out as it was planned - she probably makes the worst example of a German person haha :)


Saturday 8 September 2012

la France.. ooh la la

Bonsoir!

Change of plans. Now this blog is going to be both my writings space and a little journal from my year abroad in Besancon, France. Hope you'll enjoy ;)

Somewhere in France, 4.09.2012
So here I am, sitting in a TGV train to Besancon, my new home. It sounds strange calling it home, doesn’t it? A home where I barely understand the language, never been to before and don’t know a living soul. Hmm… that really must be a place called home ;) Anyway I’m being surprisingly calm. The only thing I was worried about was the subway in London. Maybe I would have been peaceful if I didn’t have to carry a massive suitcase, a huge backpack and a medium size handbag that could easily fit my laptop, Kindle, English - French pocket dictionary and a make-up bag. Fortunately I was lucky enough to attract strong gentlemen who were so eager to help me carry the suitcase downstairs that I couldn’t say no ;) Maybe it was my mind control? Who knows, never mind. I will never forget the worrying look at some lady’s face when she saw me struggling with my luggage. Her ‘Good luck’ was so encouraging, and by that time also the nicest thing that happened to me that day. Now I’m sitting in the train, wondering if my accommodation office would still be open. If not, where am I going to sleep? I don’t even want to think about it… everything went pretty smooth so far, let it continue please ;)

So the new chapter in my life begins today. I’ve got a year to learn the most beautiful language in the world, buy a bicycle, find my Jean-Pierre, and then travel France and Europe (or at least visit Paris, Cote d’Azur, Geneva and Rome ;)). Challenge accepted.


                Besancon, 5.09.2012
After arriving in Besancon it occurred that I have to take another train from the suburbs to the city centre. Panic in my head, how the hell am I going to buy the ticket? I can’t speak French! Luckily, the French are not far ahead from the British and there were many self-service ticket machines. First thing I’ve done was changing the language into English ;) Worrying a lot I found my ‘voie’ which was easy enough although with my entire luggage, it took me additional 3 minutes and I only had about 10. After 15 minutes journey, here I am – exhausted, with a heavy luggage and badly wanting a cigarette.  And again I was lucky enough to receive help from a very nice middle-aged man, who I couldn’t understand at all at first. Yet he was so patient with offering help to me that I was thanking him about 5 times during our way from the platform to the taxi rank.

Cigarette! That was the first thing I wanted to do while waiting for a taxi. When I finally arrived at the campus I was amazed. It was huge, green and even though it was really late, there was still lots of people around. I got out of the taxi, went to the accommodation office and there was a surprise waiting for me. It occurred that my ‘dossier’ with all my documents didn’t arrive which was weird considering the fact that I paid almost 10 pounds for plane postage that was supposed to arrive in 2-3 days… I had a lovely chat in French, trying to explain that I did send it and it must be somewhere there. No results. Finally I got the keys to a room on the 4th floor in Batiment Pierre Gascar. No lift of course, but a man from the accommodation office helped me carry the suitcase. Even for him it was too heavy ;) Still excited I wanted to see the room and start unpacking my things but I met some nice people instead, who also helped me with the luggage, and I was invited to spend some time with them outside the uni restaurant. I was happy, making friends already yay!

My new room though wasn’t that exciting. It’s not big, but I expected that. It has everything that it should although the wardrobe is a bit scary and odd and I haven’t decided yet if I am going to keep my things in there. We’ll see. There’s no proper kitchen here, although there is a small kitchenette with two burners and a sink. Everyone have a small fridge in their room ;) It’s not a 5 star hotel but will do for the year. After kind of settling in the place and refreshing myself I hurried to meet people outside the restaurant. I thought all the Erasmus students don’t even try speaking French and they stick with English. To my surprise, all the people I met spoke French and it was really good French, not like mine. I felt a bit left out but if I understood or was asked something I tried speaking. That’s always a first step, isn’t it? It was a nice late evening and I met few Germans, Spanish, an Irish one and a French. Later on I managed to unpack some of the things and arranged them somehow in the room, I still haven’t finished though.

Next morning, I woke up with my whole body aching because of the luggage. I still needed to sort out my ‘dossier’ and go shopping with my German friend, Marina. I was pretty sure there should be at least a small shop on campus, but no there aren’t any. The closest one, Intermarche, is about 10-15 minutes away which is ridiculous. I did all my necessary shopping for few days and of course forgot about the adapter and now my battery is running low.
Alors, a bientot!


Thursday 23 August 2012

new beginnings...

So... I wanted to create a little space for my writings. It's nothing serious, just some monologues I had to  write for my Drama classes. After some time I've realized that I quite enjoy doing it, so I started writing more and more. There's not many of them at the moment but there will definitely be more. Everything depends on the inspirations so be patient ;)

So below is the first one I wrote. Enjoy! :)


I have never been a patriotic person, unless you count sport. Not football, of course. Everyone knows we’re bad at it. We were good back in the 80s, weren’t we? I’m almost sure it was the 80s, but never mind. The thing is that I always wanted to leave, somewhere better, somewhere with better opportunities, better start in the future. Patriotic speeches or even my national anthem made me laugh... How could we have destroyed the ‘thing’ our grandparents and great-grandparents loved the most? How could we have become so dependent on others when our ancestors fought so hard for freedom?! I just can’t understand why did my country, that suffered so much for centuries, sacrificed so many people, fell down, just to get up even more powerful, let the snakes in… WHY haven’t we noticed IT earlier?! WHY haven’t we reacted earlier?! We should have done something a long time ago, instead we were just waiting for things to get worse and worse… Our ancestors are definitely turning over in their graves. We’re nothing like them. We’re not brave enough, strong enough and fearless enough. They risked their lives for their fatherland, to make our generations’ lives much better, much easier. And look what we’ve done with it? We let the snakes in. They’ve almost destroyed us. Now we’re trying to get on our feet again. We’re trying to fight, to get back our lost pride, to get rid of the remains of communism that is trying to rise again. Hopefully we will be smarter and stronger this time. It’s not Russia or North Korea, it’s Poland for God’s sake!!!